SITV.COM Guide to Cinco de Mayo

Pigs be damned! Some of this year’s Cinco de Mayo celebrations may have been curtailed or cancelled due to the swine flu pandemic but we know the best Mexican fiestas are stay-at-home occasions. Yes, it’s a shame Los Temerarios were forced to cancel their performance at NYC’s grand festival because of el flu del chancho but on a positive note Vicente Fernandez is a) still alive (who knew?) and b) debuting a new song (“Necesito de ti”) on May 5th! So grab your favorite Latino wannabe and enjoy our Guide to Cinco de Mayo.

History Lesson: First things first, Cinco de Mayo is NOT Mexican Independence Day. It commemorates the Battle of Puebla, where the Mexican Army defeated the French troops in 1862. READ CAREFULLY: Mexican Independence Day is on September 16. Now forward this post to all your gringo friends, tag them on Facebook and Tweet about it. Unfortunately, we all really know the French won in the war in the long run (see Tony Parker marrying Eva Longoria).

House Party: If you’re panicking about the swine flu (thanks Biden) then you can still celebrate in the comfort of your own casa. Plus, it’s a recession so it wouldn’t be wise to waste your pesos on tequila shots at Wet Willies or Pack’Em in Paco, etc. Stay home, crack a six-pack, put on some corridos and watch a nice Cantinflas flick.

Music Man: Screw your iPod! Invite your Uncle Chuey over for some good ol’ traditional Mexican music. Strap an accordion or guitar to him and let the quebraditas ensue. Your only expense: feeding Chuey troves of tacos de lengua. The quebra and ditas: priceless.

Drink Up!: If you do choose to hang with Timothy and Emily at Wet Willies then make sure you drink responsibly and drink quality liquids. Also, if you can’t stomach tequila shots than please avoid the bar. A mexicano who doesn’t like tequila is worse than a dominicano pariguayo (right Junot Diaz?).

Protect Yourself: As our mothers would say, “It was written that the world is coming to an end!” Thanks for the positive attitude mom but you do have to protect yourself with this crazy flu in the air. Yet, how do you celebrate Cinco de Mayo and protect yourself? Aha! A sombrero with a surgical mask attachment! Represent your Mexican pride and sip your drink through a straw. It’s the apocalyptic way!