J. Lo & Marc Anthony Ready to Split!

Good news (rich) fellas! Jennifer Lopez will soon be single . . . again. With rumors of her marriage to salsero Marc Anthony on the rocks, Jenny is only adding fuel to el fuego by parading around town ring-less. The boricua couple is allegedly planning to split on February 14th. Ouch! They’re going out in grand fashion by announcing their divorce after a surprise duet performance at Madison Square Garden. In the meantime, we thought of three potential suitors who might be able to handle the divalicous La Lopez.

Jet Li: Jenny has sampled from every kind of man—Latino (Marc), white (Ben Affleck), and even d-bags (Diddy). It’s only right she give a brother of the Asian persuasion a shot. By Li’s side Jennifer can learn martial arts and even make her first martial arts film (J. Lo swinging her legs wildly…you got me!). Imagine the many cheesy ways gossip rags will name the pair: J. LoLi, Jet Lo, etc. Taking a page from the barrio’s fascination with Chinese/Latino food fusions Li-Lo will launch their first restaurant La Isla Del Chino.

Diddy: He knew this day would come. He knew paying songwriters for tracks like “I Need A Girl Pt. 1” and “Pt. 2” would lead to the day Jenny would drop Marc and return to his arms. Once Jennifer officially becomes Mrs. Combs (sorry Kim Porter) she’ll be the spokes model for Sean John and also be the star judge on the first season of I Want to Work for Diddly-Squat.

Ricky Martin: This is the star couple Puerto Ricans everywhere have been waiting for—a bori from the Bronx and a sexually ambiguous former Menudo member. They can go on a world tour (Bootylicious 2009) together and shake their bom boms for everyone. Add their four kids and you have the makings of Univision’s first crossover reality show, The Bori Bunch.