Elvis Crespo Masturbates Suavemente

Leave it up to Latinos to one-up everyone else. While Pee Wee Herman (back in the day) publicly masturbated at a XXX theatre, merengue singer Elvis Crespo allegedly massaged his junk in an airplane…in his seat…in plain view of other passengers. Talk about snakes on a plane! According to the AP, the flight was en route from Houston to Miami and the Miami Dade County Police interviewed Crespo. He told them, "I don't recall doing that." Hmmm…I don’t recall putting my shoes on this morning but I’m sure I did. Below are some songs Elvis was probably listening to while he was …umm…relieving himself.

Uno,

Jesus

Grupo Mania’s “Ojitos Bellos”: Elvis’ old band mates must be getting a good laugh out of this story. Elvis wasn’t thinking about a pair of beautiful eyes on a chica rather he just concentrated on one eye—his one-eyed monster.

Elvis’ “La Cerveza”: Maybe Elvis was just tipsy from too many Pilsners. Too many beers on a flight with turbulence who knows what you might do?


Elvis’ “Suavemente”: To bring it home he probably listened to his biggest hit to date. He handles himself with tender, love, and care. He knows it’s all in the wrist and all about slow movements. Someone give this man a cigarette! And a towel!