5 Reasons the Premios Billboard Suck

5. Julieta Venegas will not perform but Paulina Rubio will. La Chica Dorada is great to look at but to listen to (live) not so much. But hey at least Pau is a better singer than Beyoncè.

4. Akon is performing. It’s great when you have English language artists perform at Latino award shows but only if they're actually, well, talented. Akon, who is responsible for T-Pain, isn’t even welcome at the BET Awards.

3. There is a “Latin Ringmasters of the Year” category and Flex (surprise) and Baby Bash are nominated. If you need a sign that music sucks nowadays, just take a look at this category. Getting an award for a ringtone means people love about 30 seconds of your song. *Tear*

2. Flex is nominated a record-setting 13 times for Te Quiero. Not only is largely responsible for taking the cojones out of reggaeton but he also goes by “N***a” in Latin America. Gag! According to old *cough* reliable Wikipedia “he adopted the name N***a in Mexico and Latin America because another Panamanian singer said, ‘He sang like a black guy from Jamaica.’”

1. There are too many damn categories. They range from “Top Album Latino Del Año, Duo o Grupo” to “Top Album Del Año, Debut” and so on and so on. There's even one for “Top Trimmed Eyebrows of the Year” (we see you Xtreme).

Uno,

Jesus
 

The Billboard Latin Music Awards air tonight. Tune in if you dare.