What They Mean by "Timing"

I suddenly know what people mean by timing in relationships. I used to think they meant timing, as in, both people had to be ready to commit to each other or to want a family and a life together. But now I’m convinced that’s not the real problem. In fact, I’m fairly certain most people want to eventually get married or settle down and have a family because that’s an inherent feeling.

Now I’m pretty sure what people actually mean by “timing” is: it’s all about where a person is emotionally. Are they ready to move forward and forget their former relationships or are they stuck in the what ifs, the hurt, or the failure of their past experiences?

Back in the days I suppose we had the concept of relationships right—you didn’t date too many people (and if you did, it was in your adolescence), you certainly didn’t have several sexual partners, and you usually ended up with the first person you fell in love with (think high school sweethearts or the movie The Notebook).

But nowadays, we walk around with a ton of baggage, especially as we start to get into our late 20’s and 30’s. At that point, we feel like we’ve dated everyone we could and by the time we reach our 40’s, if we’re single, we’re just cursed. 

Think about it. We start dating in middle school or high school, lose our virginity early in life, and fall in “love” a handful of times. We experience heartbreak after heartbreak, get our hopes up time and again, get lied to, cheated on, and emotionally or physically beat up. The list keeps going till finally, we put up walls and never fully open ourselves up to someone new. Or we hold on to people that aren’t necessarily good for us. It’s all because we’re not ready to take a little bit more disappointment if we make ourselves vulnerable again.

Problem is, we then never find out if there really is someone wonderful out there for us because we don’t give new relationships our all. We ho hum it, wait for that person to profess THEIR feelings, and we keep others (as in exes and new potentials) in the mix just to be safe. Unfortunately that gets us nowhere. And it’s probably a cycle that keeps on going until we figure it out.

But then, that’s timing. It’s being ready and finding that other single person who is ready—no more baggage, it’s time to move forward with someone new, no other “potentials” lingering. It’s just good timing.

So I guess my advice is, when you meet a person, you should try to gauge where you are emotionally. Are you brave enough to put yourself out there wholeheartedly and without any baggage?

If not, it might be a good idea to take a step back and get yourself together. Otherwise, you might find yourself alone and back at square one…or worse, with someone who was your safety.