Valentine's fun for Salma

Wow.  It’s amazing how similar my life is to Salma Hayek’s.  Let’s take how we spent our Valentine’s Day for instance.  I was having my “friend” over for dinner that evening and woke up with a lovely case of the runs.  After about 8 doses of Imodium I figured I was good to go but still had a stomach ache all night.  My friend came over at 7pm, we ate dinner around 8pm and we started watching a movie about 9.  By 9:30pm, a time I thought the romance would start, my lovely little friend rested his head on my shoulder.  “How sweet” I thought, until he started snoring in my ear.  Yes, he had fallen asleep.  So much for a romantic evening!
What did my lovely doppleganger Salma do on Valentine’s Day?  She married her long time beau, French gajillionaire and father to her daughter Valentina, Francois Pinault.  Salma and Francois married in Paris in a small ceremony.  Not many details have been said about the wedding thus far so I’m guessing it was a tacky little affair with burritos and escargots for dinner and a mime and piñata for entertainment.  And you know what too many burritos and/or snails leads to don’t you?  Exactly, diarrhea!  See, so Salma and I spent the day almost exactly the same except she got a husband out of the whole deal.
I’m wondering if Pinault got a little jealous when he saw his woman breastfeeding another child last week.  While on a goodwill trip to Sierra Leone, Salma breastfed a hungry baby whose mother had run out of breast milk.  She later said that her great-grandmother had done the same thing in a Mexican village for a woman in the street whose baby was crying due to hunger.  I think it was a natural and beautiful thing that Salma did and applaud her boldness.  And maybe this pushed Pinault just a little, seeing how giving his woman is, and seeing those huge cans again.  So I say, good for you Salma.  Goes to show you that she is not a shallow person because she did not pick the man for his looks.  Probably helps that he has enough money for most women to forget how fugly he is, but still, she has to sleep with him every night.