Eddie Cibrian vs. Mario Lopez

It's not a word that I use often: smarmy. It takes a special kind of person to bring it out. But if anyone deserves it, it is surely this separated-at-birth dimpled duo: from-the-womb p-hound Mario Lopez and Hollywood's latest dirty boy Eddie Cibrian, subject of a feature in the latest issue of In Touch, which talks about an alleged affair he had with a model/bartender named Scheana (pictures included!)—while he was having a tryst with country singer LeAnn Rimes.

But who is the smarmier of the two? Let's look at the startling yet conclusive evidence:

Smarmiest Dimples: Both Mario and Eddie have I"m-as-harmless-as-Shirley-Temple-so-come-sit-on-my-lap holes in their cheeks, but while Eddie's are slight indentations, Mario's have full-on Kewpie doll-itis. WInner: Mario.

Smarmiest Body: Both are clearly gym rats, but Mario's body has enough weird muscly details that  probably mean he does planks in his sleep. Winner: Mario.

Smarmiest Hair: Both have that thick head of dark hair that always seem to come paired with smarminess. The difference? Mario insists on slicking his back. In 2009. Winner: C'mon Mario, you make this too easy.

Smarmiest Career: Yes, Eddie did an overheated Lifetime movie based on a Nora Roberts lady novel. But he's also been on quality shows like Ugly Betty and the short-lived Invasion and he just got picked up as a regular on CSI:MIami. Mario has hosted Pet Star, been on F-list celeb reality show I Get that A Lot and has panted his way through Miss Universe, Miss America and Miss Teen USA as host. Winner: Mario, hands down.

Smarmiest Penis: Something tells me that Mario would win this one too, but amazingly, he's apparently been more subtle with his trysts. The only really outrageous public transgression is that ex-wife-for-5-seconds Ali Landry filed for divorce because of his errant ways. He may still be a playa, but at least now he's single. Unlike a married cheater who cheats on his mistress. Winner: Eddie.

Even after giving Eddie extra smarm points for juggling three women at the same time, Mario is still El Rey del Smarm. Congrats!