50 Cent, Timbaland and Ivan Sanchez to Be Named in Steroid Report…

The Associated Press is reporting that several entertainers are about to be named in a steroid scandal coming out of Albany, New York...

The names mentioned on the report are Mary J. Blige, Tyler Perry, Wyclef Jean and much to the surprise of the entire world... Hip Hop stars 50 Cent and Timbaland...

Not Fitty and Timbo... Now I've heard it all.

After investing several charges on my credit card of $29.95 plus shipping and handling to buy Fitty and Timbos workout tapes I feel robbed. I would have bet the entire $5.07 in my checking account that these guys got their hulk-like bodies via hard work, determination and many, many hours in the gym...

Plus I read in interviews that Timbo put down the Twinkies and Fitty got ripped after being shot eighteen times and surviving. I thought about taking both of those approaches to get vin-diesel myself but I like Twinkies... I like Twinkies a lot! And I don't like the sight of my own blood... So I scratched those ideas and decided to go straight to the source.

The first time I pulled my gym shorts down in the office of the male gym manager in Virginia Beach I felt violated. Didn't I avoid jail all these years so that I wouldn't have to show another man my butt cheeks?

But much like anything else, the second, third and tenth times were easier...

Yes, my people... before the Associated Press or The Smoking Gun dot com expose me I'm exposing myself... I used performance enhancing drugs back in 2001... and I loved it!

My side effects were nothing more than getting really big and being able to bench press 270 pounds even though I only weighed 165 at the time. The other apparent side effect would have been anger but I've always been the type of rage-aholic to chase you a few miles if you cut me off with your car. I don't think my performance enhancing drugs made that problem worse.

At the end of the day I don't see anything wrong with entertainers or anyone else using steroids if they so choose. Well not unless they are going to be competing in the Olympics...

I don't condone steroids for children athletes. But as adults, each and every one of the people about to be named in this steroid report have the freedom of choice to use these drugs if they so choose.

Just don't sell me a workout tape and tell me how you got there naturally!

If anyone is wondering why I stopped taking steroids its simple... After witnessing a horrible assault on the gym owner by a roid-raging member... I decided it was time to hang up the needle and pull up my shorts...

One Love, Ivan Sanchez - Your Friendly Neighborhood Author